I feel... good?

My final semester of college is under way and boy does it feel... it feels... good? I mean it should feel good right? Cause it's only like my 6th year of college so it probably should be feeling pretty darn good right about now. But here's the thing... I don't really feel anything other then a little (or maybe more than a little) senioritous and a bit of panic.

In terms of the senioritous, I think that's pretty expected and deserved although not very good for me not procrastinating on EVERYTHING. I suppose the panic might be understandable as well. After all, I have no idea what I'm doing this summer after graduation... Do I go back to camp? Do I try to get into a different camp? Do I try to find some sort of internship/apprenticeship or maybe even a real job? Do I go back to New York? Do I go back to Vermont? Do I go someplace completely different and start an independent life completely on my own. How can I afford to do ANYTHING besides work? I'm still young... isn't this the part of my life I'm supposed to be out looking for adventure (or maybe a husband if you ask either set of parents).

So with all these questions, plus a few more, I'm still supposed to be doing homework, attending classes, and working and somehow still have my head on straight... mix in a bunch of senioritous/procrastination and I think I've found myself a pretty dangerous combination. Meaning, I don't really feel like doing anything I'm overwhelmed and don't particularly feel like thinking about any of it. I would much rather loose myself in a TV show or a good book just so I don't have to think about reality.

But I will push on. I will try to apply myself and earn the best grades I can. I will try harder not to procrastinate. I will face my fears and try to figure out the best way to overcome them. I will also try to make time for my friends since I probably won't be seeing them for a long time after May. I will try my best to save up money so I can have a little cushion until I find a real job. I will push on and I will overcome... one day at a time!